Friday, February 1, 2013

We all have a little history.

  We all know, we all have a little history.  I have TONS of history, so I'll give you the cliff notes version.  Do they even still have Cliff notes?  Anyway.   I guess I should start back a couple of years ago.  Well, lots of years ago.  I've always been overweight, always, always, always.  I went to a "pay as you go weight loss center"  for the first time when I was six years old.  I can remember sitting in the cafeteria eating my dried beef sandwich on Melba toast while my friends were scarfing down homemade vegetable soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, and those sinful peanut butter cornflake bars.  Man, do I love some cornflake bars! I found a recipe about 2 years ago and we have them only at Christmas, but they load on the LBS!  Anyway, I digress.   I wasn't athletic, HATED sports, and would rather hang out watching TV and playing piano.( It's comical to me now how much I hated sports as a child, yet now at the ballpark watching is where I am happiest.  I'm not sure how I got these athletic children of mine.)  Years went by, weight went up.

   Now, we are in high school.  Again, still overweight.  I did the rice diet, the grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, the mayo diet.  You name it, I've  tried it.  After high school, I tried another "pay as you go weight loss center", different from the 1st one, and have good success.  I lost 71 lbs and was at my lowest weight ever at 131 lbs.  Then, I started dating, and eating out, and getting married, and having babies and the weight went up and up and up and up.

   A couple of years ago, I stepped on the scales just to have a look/see.  I  was mortified!  The scale read 298.8 lbs.  Almost 300lbs!!!  How did this happen?  There's no way.  I only weigh 120 lbs, I'm sure of it! At least that's what I see when I look at myself from the chest up.  But, after lots of tears, I decided to once again hop on a weight loss wagon.  I would lose 15 lbs or so and think, "I'm skinny now"  and go back to my old ways.  Last year, I went back to a "pay as you go weight loss center" and did well. I got myself back in the gym and loved it.  However, I got tired of it, life got in the way, every excuse I could think of, and eventually quit once again.
 
     I thought all summer about getting banded.  I researched it in private, I prayed about it in private, and thought a lot about it in private.  And when I say private, you all need to know that is speaking volumes.  I'm normally very open about all that I do, say and think.  But, I  knew this had to be for me.  I didn't want anybody else to throw their 2 cents in.  I've always done things to please everybody else, but this time, it's all about me.  It's my body.  If my loved ones support me, fabulous!  If they don't support my decision, then that's fine, too.  But, what I do know, is that if I don't do something I"m going to die.   My husband, my children, and my loved ones need me too much to let that happen.  Plus, I still have lots of things that I have unfinished business with. One is a certain Disney 1/2 marathon, but that's a whole different blog I have planned.

   When I finally discussed my decision with my husband, tears swelled up in his eyes and he said "I'll do whatever I can to support you, because I love you so much!"  Have I mentioned I have THE BEST husband in the world?  Yes, I am his queen.  My kids were also excited for me.  I think they don't see me as a fat mommy most of the time.  But, I'm embarrassed for them as I waddle around the ballpark with my shorts riding up because of the chub rub and my belly hanging to my knees while all the other moms look like they are heading out for cocktails in between games.  Yes, I think when I lose this weigh, I too, shall wear stilettos, booty shorts, and tank tops to the ball park.  OK, maybe not, that was just a scary image. Back to the support.  My friends have also been very supportive with only a few nay Sayer's here and there.  All in all, everyone is being very supportive and for that I am grateful.

    So, that little synopsis is what has led me to deciding that yes, the lap band is for me.  In coming posts I'll tell you all about the hoops I'm jumping through with insurance, what I've done so far, and what I have yet to do.  I'm thinking that I can apply for insurance approval in May and have this surgery by June.  It may or may not happen that way, but that's what I'm planning on and I'm super excited!



*all opinions in this blog are expressly my own*

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